


If Only, If Only

by kaylacscott (SilverStreaksofStardust)



Category: In Real Life (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 02:53:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18540826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverStreaksofStardust/pseuds/kaylacscott
Summary: Brady Tutton and Sergio Calderon became friends in primary school, over a valentine. From then on, they battled through high school together, not admitting their true feelings toward the other.





	1. Kindergarten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have also been on a considerably long break from writing, due to Writer’s block and a crap-ton of essay papers. (I still have three due :/) Anyway, I think I can finish this story and I’ve read a lot of USUK (yo I love England so much) so I’ve definitely found motivation!
> 
> Ahhh I love Bergio - two cute dorks who have a strong friendship. I also feel the need to draw young!Bergio exchanging valentines - if I get around the time. Anyway, let’s get on to the story!

February 14th was a day that was highly anticipated for most students in the primary grade of _Bayard Middle School_.

However, for one in particular, the day brought a twisted dread in his stomach.

Brady Tutton was a new student that year in second grade, and while nearly all of his classmates were nice, he was terribly shy. He stuttered a lot, which brought humiliation and conversations where children didn’t understand what he was saying. He’d have to repeat himself, so he resolved to not speaking at all. While that solved a few problems, it meant being alone.

He worried over the fact that he wouldn’t receive any valentines, and how many you got was how many friends you had. While his mother soothed him the night before - that he was a kind and likeable boy, not needing to worry about it - the blond was insistent of staying at home.

Unfortunately, nobody understood his predicament and he sat in class the next day, anxiety increasing with the thought of having no cards.

That morning they had decorated their valentine paper bags. Brady drew various hearts and put a lot of glitter on it, for a moment escaping the thought of impending embarrassment. He could totally be like that abstract artist he heard his older brother Ryan talking about - Piccolo or something.

”Yours looks so cool!” A voice exclaimed.

Brady didn’t look up, but sensed a presence looking over his shoulder. He muttered a quiet “thank you”.

”I made mine with Superman, see?”

Brady glanced at the paper bag which was held up in front of his face, indeed having the DC superhero.

“Do... uh, do you like comics?” the blond asked. Socializing was awkward - he internally chided to himself for asking such a stupid question. 

”Uh, I just watch the movies,” the boy said somewhat sheepishly. His brown eyes widened. “Do you read comics? Whose your favourite superhero?”

”Yeah, I like comics - m-my dad collected them as a kid. I feel impartial to The Flash but Superman is cool.”

“Impartial?” The boy frowned. Then he quickly moved on. “I’m Sergio! You’re Brady, right?”

Surprise swept through the blond. “Y-You know who I am?”

”Of course! You’re in my class.” The boy said it matter-of-fact. “Uhm, I know it’s not time to hand out Valentines, but I made one for you. Here.” Sergio held out a pink card made out of construction paper.

“T-Thank you.”

”Yeah. Uhm, don’t open it till later, 'kay?”

As Brady nodded his head, he watched Sergio walk away to a group of kids. He smiled to himself. Maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad.

As the class continued decorating their bags, the teacher told them it was time to pass out valentines. Brady passed out all of his cards and chocolate (he even gave one to Dylan, the boy who teased him of his speech impediment).

When returning to his box, he found to his delight that he had gotten fifteen cards. Most of them were store-bought, with lollipops stuck in them. There was even a Hershey kiss, which Lisa Tsuo had passed out to everyone. 

And yet, despite the ones with sweets attached or cards that were 3D, Brady fondly held onto the homemade pink valentine. The card didn’t say much, only _Happy Valentine’s Day! I hop you have a grate day!! - Sergio_

It was the first-ever card he had received, besides from his family. He tucked it way in his backpack, in the far back so it wouldn’t get squished.

Brady thought for a moment, before hastily grabbing his scissors and a red piece of construction paper. He made a heart cut-out and started drawing.

As other kids continued talking, drinking juice and eating the fruit and granola bars, Brady focused on his card.

When the recess bell rang, the teacher gently reminded Brady, who remained in the back of the room.

”C-Can I please stay? I need to finish my valentine,” Brady explained.

”It’s no problem, sweetie.” The teacher smiled, starting to clean the wrappers and aftermath of the boxes. Once Brady finished, he helped to clean the mess.

Eventually, when it turned to English period, the last class of the day, the teacher read the novel “Holes” to them.

Brady had found Stanley Yelnats to be an interesting character, being blamed of something he didn’t do. He sympathized with Zero, who was sort of like him - alone and estranged from the others. As he was entranced by the storytelling, the bell rang, just when Zero and Stanley found a boat.

Suddenly remembering his card, he raced to his desk, grabbing it, then went to Sergio.

”H-Hi.”

”Hi!” Sergio gave a smile. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, with the comics, and maybe I can borrow one of yours?”

”Yeah! That’s cool!” Brady replied. “I also made you - something - it’s not that good, but I worked on it during recess...” He held out the card, before he could stop himself.

Sergio beamed, opening it. “Wow! You drew Superman and The Flash!”

”Yeah. I-I hope you like it.” Brady felt somewhat bashful.

”I love it!” Sergio said. “I’ll keep it in my pocket, see?” 

After their exchange, Brady carried his bag of valentines and walked out of the classroom to grab his coat and backpack from the cubicle. He couldn’t wait to go home and tell his parents about his day!

As he fumbled putting on his gloves, February air still frought with coldness, most of his classmates left already.

Dylan Milbrun, who watched Brady for a minute, suddenly snatched his brown paper bag. “Wow, I’m surprised you got any, _freak_.”

”L-Leave me alone.”

”L-Leave me alone,” Dylan mimicked. “You’re such a baby.”

Brady tried not to cry, so he kept his head down. “Just give my cards back.”

”You know that our class was forced to give you one, right?“ Dylan grinned. “I heard my parents talking over the phone to your _mommy_ that you were _crying._ Nobody actually likes you.”

Brady froze, wondering if it was true. Did that mean... when his classmates looked at him, they thought of him as the loser who had his parents demand for them to give a valentine?

“HA. You’re such a baby.” Dylan shook the valentines from the bag onto the ground. “You didn’t even get all from our class! What a loser!”

Not caring anymore, with tears streaming down his face, Brady ran outside.

* * *

 “So how was your day?”

Brady looked at his plate. Usually he loved spaghetti meals, but he was too angry and embarrassed. He thought people liked him, but it was all a lie.

”Brady.” His older sister, Casey, nudged him. Brady finally looked up, wordlessly.

His parents shared a concerned look.

”Brady, your mother asked a question.” Sean Tutton was perplexed that his usually-cheerful seven-year old was replaced with that of a moody teenager. After Coleen picked their son up, Brady stayed cooped in his room.

“I just - we had valentines today but n-nobody wanted t-to be my friend.” Brady started to cry, as his mother patted his shoulder. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“B-Because. Y-You told!” Sobs wracked Brady’s body as he buried into his mother’s arms. “Everyone was forced to get me one and they think I’m a loser.”

”I never told anyone but your father.”

”W-What? No, D-Dylan said that—”

”I’m afraid,” her mother said gently, “that Dylan was playing a joke on you. We certainly didn’t tell anyone because we knew you’d realize that everyone _does_ like you.”

”Who’s Dylan?” One of his brothers, Jack, questioned. There was a bit of protectiveness in his voice, prepared to help his younger brother out.

”Nobody. Just - h-he’s been... nothing.”

Coleen Tutton sighed, looking at her youngest child that was getting older so quickly. While she had encountered bullies herself, these days for kids it was far different.

“Honey, please know that you are smart and kind. People will like you for you, and if they don’t, then you don’t need those kind of people in your life. Ignore them, and they will move on.”

Brady’s tears subsided, and he was aware that he was being watched by his family. Remembering Dylan’s words, shame pricked him, since he was crying to his mom. He was a _baby_.

”I’m okay. Can I go?”

”You didn’t finish your dinner.” Mrs. Tutton softened. “You can go for a moment. Come back in time for dessert - we’re having chocolate cake.”

”Okay.” Brady went to his room that he shared with Jack. He laid on his bed, feeling extra unhappy, because all of those valentines were left at school. They’d probably get tossed out by the janitor. 

Frowning, he realized that one was still safe! Tugging open his backpack, he found the pink valentine wrinkle-free, and a small smile tugged at his lips.

He didn’t need the other cards anyway - he still had his first.


	2. High School

"Sergio! Hey!” Brady let out a gasp, almost doubling over from his stomach cramp. “Dude why can’t you slow down?”

”Um, well we have to run ten laps around the gym so...”

”Couldn’t you just, I dunno, give me a piggy-back ride?” Brady asked hopefully.

”Haha, that’s funny. C’mon Bradford, you can do it!”

”I wasn’t joking,” Brady protested. Man, he was so out of shape. Perhaps he shouldn’t have joined soccer, but his best friend convinced him... somehow.

”It’ll be fun,” the Latino had promised. 

Yeah. If sweating and cramping were “fun” then Serg must have a twisted idea of what “torture” meant.

The coach, who watched from the sidelines, barked orders at them. He was also munching on a Boston crème donut, which was so unfair, because that happened to be Brady’s favourite and now his stomach grumbled in longing.

When Brady finished his tenth lap, the coach took soccer balls from the cart wheeled out. “Everyone find a partner and practice your passing! Remember your footing and start off close then eventually go further away.”

Sergio did his process of choosing the perfect soccer ball, which somewhat amused Brady. Once satisfied, the brunet dribbled it across the floor until he was standing on the black line.

“Ready, Bradford?”

”Yep!” Once the perfect pass was given, Brady unsteadily brought his foot down to stop the ball and kicked it back. It went crooked to the left, and Brady sighed. 

He was probably the worst on the entire team - okay, he wasn’t gonna lie, he _was_ the worst. He was like the antonym of athletic - he even once shot in the wrong net during basketball in eighth grade, but that’s another story.

”Yo, try and get in line. Look at me, not at the ball.”

Brady flickered his eyes up, a slight feeling of warmth spreading throughout his body. He kicked the ball, and it went pathetically at a slant.

The guy beside Sergio, Chance Perez, kicked the ball back to Sergio.

Sergio made a slow demonstration of kicking the ball. “You got this Brady! One touch.”

Brady was determined to make at least one perfect shot. He got in line, foot raising slightly off the ground, and passed back.

”Nice!” Sergio cheered.

Brady brightened at the praise. Soccer was worth losing his dignity.

* * *

There was a massive problem that the blond had: Brady Tutton was in love with his best friend. It was the sad, typical teenage story, wasn’t it? 

Sergio Calderon Jr. was a boy who was everything that equated to being popular. Captain of the soccer team, well-liked, and pretty.

Well, “pretty” is not the word that people would use - but that’s what Brady would think of at a glance. Pretty and cute. The dark hair that was styled kind of like a quiff, and brown highlights. Dark eyes that widened whenever something interested him, which was pretty much everything.

Oh, and the _Spanish_. Brady was slightly envious of the bilingual boy, because his own Spanish-speaking skills were atrocious. 

While Sergio was oblivious to how influential he really was in high school, Brady felt guilt that he might be holding Sergio back from opportunities. Surely there must be better people to hang out with?

Brady was just... a loser. He had other friends, of course, meeting through classes that he wasn’t in with Sergio - mostly sciences - and while he didn’t fit in any clique, Sergio still stuck with him.

Perhaps that was another reason why Brady became enamoured. Sergio didn’t care about popularity, but that type of obliviousness could be frustrating. The innocence at the same time was endearing.

Heck, Sergio didn’t even know what the word “kink” meant until last year, and Brady struggled to explain it before Sergio finally searched it up.

One of these days Brady was going to have an intervention. He thought those sounded cool from _How I Met Your Mother_ and - oh, forget it, Brady was nervous to even question their friendship. He vaguely remembered how they became friends.

The valentine, of course. His first one, and he kept it in his diary - yes, he really did have one, and perhaps that was something he shouldn’t admit. Do guys even keep diaries—? Anyway, after bonding over comics, Brady was invited to a sleepover. 

The prospect of going to his friend’s house was nothing but happiness. From then on, they were inseparable.

They’ve been together through the best and worst of times. Like when Sergio was there to console about the Tutton’s dog dying, or when Brady was there for Sergio’s first ear piercing and tattoo.

The fact that it could end was a startling fact. When they reached the beginning of their twelfth year, Brady began applying to universities while Sergio was thinking of a soccer scholarship. Evidently that would lead to separate destinations.

They didn’t talk about that yet—leaving to pursue in their own goals. And Brady didn’t even tell Sergio about his feelings... they’ve been hidden since sixth grade.

When Brady eventually came out to Sergio in eighth grade, Sergio was cool with it. There was no difference in their friendship, or tension that appeared. 

Sergio wondered if Brady liked anyone in their grade, to which Brady replied, “not yet” but that was the last they talked about crushes.

It was strange, Brady reflected, that Sergio seemed so relaxed with whatever the future held. The Latino lived in the present, going with the unknown. It was pretty much the opposite for Brady.

The blond planned to become a teacher, or maybe even a doctor. Those were careers that provided good and steady pathways. So he knew _what_ to do but not what he _wanted_. The unease of being an adult and working hours to study was nothing but looked upon as spirit-draining.

It felt that time moved around him too fast, and he was still stuck years behind, trudging though. He was seventeen and graduating in three months, oh god, he’s not freaking ready for it.

How could he even possibly think of leaving, when he never even told Sergio? It was difficult and made him too emotional. 

He had to tell Serg before they graduated. It didn’t matter if there was rejection, because they would rarely see each other again.

If only Sergio haven’t given him that Valentine.

If only Brady didn’t sit next to Sergio the following week, talking and laughing.

If only Sergio didn’t take his breath every single day, and make him smile so effortlessly, reminding himself that school was tolerable if they were beside each other.

If only...


	3. University

They were somewhat dancing around the other, tension there but not spoken aloud.

When Brady first saw Sergio at the same university as him, there was initial surprise.

Of course, Brady raced up to his best friend’s side. “Why didn’t you tell me you got accepted?” 

Sergio avoided the look given. “I have to go. See you later, Brady.”

There wasn’t any further exchange, leaving Brady confused. When the first month settled in, Brady realized that Sergio was ditching him at every opportunity.

It was irritating, and Brady was angry. Why didn’t Sergio want to speak to him! 

However, it was useless to tag along if someone didn’t want your company. Brady got the hint, loud and clear. He occasionally found Sergio to stare at him with the thought that he wouldn’t notice, but quickly look away when Brady returned the gaze.

Brady was desperate to call or text, but there was hesitance. It shouldn’t be difficult to ask someone he’d known for practically his whole life. 

When they graduated from high school, Brady never told his secret. When Sergio went away for a summer soccer tournament, the contact between them lessened.

Brady finally admitted he had a boyfriend - Jason Milbrun, the older brother of the kid who used to bully Brady when he was younger. It sort of sounded messed up, or perhaps slight irony, but Brady was happy.

Sergio replied that he also had a girlfriend - Angela, and it was around that time when they stopped. They moved on with their own lives, and Brady felt like his heart was split in two. 

When Jason broke up with him in late August, stating it was a “summer fling” it didn’t upset Brady as much as it should have. 

Now he was at university, busy with work and papers and found that he barely at time to eat. Stress was kicking at him hard. His best friend was avoiding him, which just made it overall terrible.

One day when he received back his math grade, earning a fail, he became angry. He was probably going to fail all his classes, wasting all his money, and he had a history paper due tomorrow that he didn’t start - damn everything.

What fuelled his anger was seeing Sergio walking down the hall, passing by him like a total stranger.

He had enough.

”Hey,” he called.

Sergio slowly turned around. “Hey.”

”I need to talk to you. Now.”

”I have practice—”

”Screw your practice. You’ve been avoiding me , acting like I don’t exist. Why?”

”Brady.” Sergio stepped closer, voice lowering. “People are watching.”

”I’ll stop talking until you give me an answer!”

Sergio sighed. “Fine. Follow me.”

Brady stumbled after the Latino, as they both headed to the third floor. 

“I hope you didn’t mind the mess.” Sergio opened his dorm room, and Brady gaped.

The room had clothes strewn, and food containers that gave off an unwelcoming stench.

”Okay, I clean it every week,” Sergio said defensively. “Don’t make that face.”

Brady shook his head. “Why are we here?”

”So people won’t hear you shouting at me.” Sergio ran a hand through his hair, gesturing to his bed with the other. “Want to sit?”

”I’m fine.”

“Okay, I have been avoiding you. But that’s because you never - you did it too!”

”What are you talking about?”

”During the summer, we stopped talking. It was obvious we just drifted apart.”

”But why didn’t...” Brady frowned, throat tightening. “You never told me you were gonna be here.”

”Shit, Brady, when I saw you - I was scared.”

”Why? We’re friends!”

”I went to your house.”

”...”

”It was during the summer, I wanted to surprise you. My soccer was done, and your mother let me in. She said you were out with your boyfriend.”

”Is... that why you didn’t talk? Because of—”

”It has nothing to do with you being gay.” Sergio sat down on his bed, looking at his hands. “I waited in your room. You know, the familiarity hit me. Your room didn’t change since you were thirteen. Posters of musicals, comics under the bed, old school notebooks..."

Brady slowly sat down beside Sergio. “You didn’t wait for me. My mom never said—”

”I told her to not tell I was there.”

”Why would you do that?”

”I didn’t want to interfere with you and your boyfriend - you were happy without me, and so I just... you didn’t need me.”

”What the hell! Are you kidding me?” Brady didn’t know if he should cry or scream at his best friend. “Of course I needed you!”

”Bradford.”

The blond’s eyes widened at his nickname. God, he missed this. So much. He missed his friend for months and now they were finally taking.

”I know you had a crush on me.”

Brady felt his resolve crumbling. “W-What?”

”Bradford, it’s okay, because I—”

”Who told you?” Brady stood up, face reddening.

“I saw your notebook. You kept my card from second grade.”

”Oh fuck.” Brady covered his face. “Please don’t.”

”I only saw the card! I didn’t read anything else. Well, uhm, I read a page that happened to be you writing about me, but that’s all, I swear!”

”They’re all about you,” Brady mumbled. “Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

Sergio chuckled. “You never told me, why?”

”It’s embarrassing! I wanted to, but I chickened out. And when you said you had a girlfriend, I knew there was no chance.”

”I don’t actually have a girlfriend. I just said that because you said you had a boyfriend.”

Brady slowly looked at Sergio. “You’re an idiot.”

”Hey! Well, you’re the one who made me jealous.”

”Why would you be jealous of me? You’re _perfect_. You’re nice, hot, and speak Spanish!”

Sergio raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m hot? Er, anyway, I realized that I liked you.”

Brady felt a bit light headed. “What.”

”When you said you had a boyfriend, it caught me off guard. I’ve never seen you date - we didn’t talk about crushes, and y’know, dating. It kind of hit me slowly. I didn’t like the thought of someone else in your life. Because then we might not be friends and - it’s stupid, I know, but you would stop talking with me.”

”We’ve been best friends for _twelve years_ ,” Brady emphasized. “It wouldn’t stop over a boyfriend.”

”I was stupid, okay? And then I thought for one moment. What it would be like, to hold your hand.”

”My... hand.”

”Y’know, what if I was your...” Sergio paused, swallowing. He looked into the blue eyes that desperately tugged for attention. “Boyfriend.”

Brady’s eyes stung, and he broke down, a wave of all the frustration and anger pouring out. 

“Uhm, that wasn’t the reaction I was looking for.”

”I-I.” Brady wiped his eyes. “W-We’re both idiots.” 

“Haha, that’s kind of true.” Sergio rubbed his neck. “Bradford. Can we promise to have better communication, and be best friends again?”

”We never stoped.”

”And I know this might be a bad timing - but I just want to tell you that I kept this.” 

Sergio opened his drawer, rifling through it until he grabbed an item.

Brady gasped when he saw red construction paper.

”I also kept yours.”


End file.
